Yearly Archives: 2015

I’ve learned what it means to love someone so much you think your heart might explode. You don’t lose yourself, you become more of yourself, which I believe happens with any great love.

My grief was complicated.

Does it hurt you to see someone you love telling lies?

  By Kit Rempala. “So, this is rock bottom,” I find myself thinking again.  “How does it feel?”  Just seconds before I had been bounding up...

We keep secrets keep deep in our cells; our bodies work hard to diffuse the pain, spreading it among our limbs, holding it deep in our hips, tamping it down in our bellies, until there literally is no place left to store it, and we hurt to even the lightest touch.

At the gynecologist’s office at eighteen, I fainted after enduring the first chilly metal of a Cusco's Speculum. My mind had been holding it together until I knew it was safe, and then it uncoiled and I collapsed on the waxpaper sheet.

It's an unspoken pact that we never talk about what we've lost.

These are my words, this is my truth. Utterly heartfelt expressions of love for my son. My dead son. My son who died before I gave birth. My words are my everything. My expression. My grief. My love. My words are me. My thoughts. My core. My heart.

These are the hardest betrayals. The ones where our loved ones have been taken over, possessed by a drug or alcohol, as if a demon.

If you start by taking impeccably good care of yourself, your life will start to change in miraculous ways.

One of the things I love about getting older is my ability to not give a #$@! when it comes to certain things. Don’t get me wrong, I still care about a whole lotta stuff, the big stuff, but finally I am reaching a place where I don’t sweat the small stuff.

Nine months in, grief hangs around and doesn’t seem interested in leaving.