The message I have gotten my whole life is that to have people engage me the way I engage myself, I have to be ultra thin to hide my femaleness. I was taught to hate my female body because it was too female and curvy and big to be androgynous. I don't get to be seen and accepted for who I am because I am too big. My body does not look flat and vague. I'm too "butch" to be a girl, and I am too curvy to occupy middle ground.
The well-meaning but flat stomached yogi paused as she lowered her gaze to my torso. “You should definitely get the surgery,“ she said. Her voice omnipotent. “Your students won’t get your stomach. It will scare them. ”
Forgiveness. For being human. For letting life get me down for a while, and for having the courage to get back up. Forgiveness for not being okay all the time, and being okay with not being okay. Forgiveness for not being all that I thought I “should” be at this point in my life, but for trying once again.
Nothing makes you feel youthful like walking into your local Rite Aid and asking the pale pimply girl behind the counter where to find the pregnancy tests.
